Even if you and also your ex had a messy breakup, there"s almost always a suggest in time wright here you miss them, even if it"s just for a minute. That lingering temptation that convinces you that texting your ex is a great principle deserve to be so, so seductive. And fine, that 1 a.m. “I miss out on you” message is probably ill-advised, however sometimes, you simply desire to inspect in on your ex-girlfrifinish or congratulate a previous lover on their brand-new project. Maybe you’re wondering if an ex might be open up to rebuilding a friendship, or you’re on the fence around what to message your ex-boyfriend when you miss out on him. If you’re struggling to craft the finest message to send to an ex, look no even more.

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You (and also your ex) recognize your breakup much better than anyone else, and if you have actually a nagging suspicion they don’t desire to hear from you, you might desire to continue through caution. If you’re blocked — or if your ex asked you not to reach out — consider letting things go for the time being, even if it harms. Ignoring someone’s boundaries will certainly just frustprice, hurt, or scare them, and it certainly won’t aid you reacquire their trust or friendship. Before you even think about sending a text, you must take into consideration the limits for everyone associated, no matter what your intentions are. As Tina B. Tessina, a psychotherapist and the writer of Dr. Romance"s Guide to Finding Love Today mutual through Rewire: "Setting boundaries creates mutual respect and consideration. These characteristics enable human being to be cshed without emotional injury." Due to the fact that you don’t know just how reaching out will certainly feel for your ex, it’s vital to think really thoughttotally around what this suggests for both of you.

And if you think your ex could be down to talk things through, start over as friends, or also just catch up after months or years of radio silence, you’ll desire to take the time to come up with the right method. Here are six easy, straight, and casual ways to begin a conversation.

If you and also your ex have actually had some contact given that the breakup and you do not get the feeling they"re super upcollection, inviting them somewbelow casual is completely OK. However before, arguing specifics of as soon as to satisfy up, especially in an initial message, deserve to absolutely seem overwhelming, or even pushy. Instead, leaving the round in their court by saying you accomplish up “sometime” is an excellent means to open the door without applying too much press, and also it’s likewise a great method to gauge their interest in a friendship or romantic reunion. You can pretty a lot use this text no issue what you’re in search of — it works if you just desire to reconnect as friends or hear how they’ve been, yet it additionally functions if you"re interested in getting back together and uncertain where their head’s at.

Sometimes, you’re the one that messed up. It happens. If your ex specifically asked you not to call them, you must respect their wishes. But if they didn’t, this is a thoughtful message to send if you know you were in the wrong and also want to get ago together. In these kinds of situations, you should still brace yourself for the worst — relying on how much you hurt your ex or how things ended, they can not be receptive to the idea of meeting up or also texting. But if you’re willing to danger not hearing earlier (or getting a cold response in return), your ideal bet is a direct message that acknowledges they don’t owe you anything, yet likewise renders your intentions clear.

It might be tempting to sfinish a lengthy, thorough apology, however it’s better to have actually as much of this conversation in perkid as feasible, if they’re up for it. And if they don’t desire to have actually the conversation at all — well, you tried. It’s awful to feel like there are points left unsassist, but the finest way to prove you treatment around the hurt you brought about is to respect what your ex demands.

If you really miss the friendship you when had actually with your ex, this is an excellent message to send once you discover out they"ve achieved somepoint cool. Congratulating your ex is a nice method to show you still treatment, but it isn’t naturally flirty, which is great if you know neither of you is interested in a reunion. It’s additionally ideal to kick off a conversation on a positive note, and also what could be more positive than supporting a professional or personal win?

This message, yet, doesn’t exactly make your motives clear. If they’re down to grab a drink, make certain you go into the meetup via at least a vague principle of what you’re hoping to get out of it. You might not know — and also that’s OK. But if you know you simply want to be friends, it might be smart to convey that a number of messages in. Being straight around what you want is the best way to stop a misknowledge later.


Sometimes there’s that ex you low-key can’t soptimal reasoning about. Even if it’s been years, they still somejust how regulate to wiggle their method back into your head. If you find yourselves in the exact same place after years acomponent, there’s nothing wrong via dropping them a casual line to say hi. If you’re hoping to watch if there’s still a spark however feeling as well nervous to make your intentions known, inviting them out for lunch is a safe bet. Lunch couldn’t be a more friendly activity, yet if it transforms out there’s still a spark, then why not grab a drink afterward?

Several of these suggestions work-related well if you’re dealing with an extremely current breakup, a desire to meet up ASAP, or a heartbroken ex. But if you just desire to talk aacquire and aren’t certain how to casually initiate a conversation, why not carry up their favorite brand-new TV present (or various other associated work) and also hit send? As long as you’re emotional on a topic they love (and if things didn’t finish poorly in between you), they’ll more than likely be psyched to share their thoughts, and also you’ll likewise bypass the awkward, cordial little talk. And if you’re in the beforehand steras of restructure a friendship or connection, this is a good way to display you still remember their interests, passions, and also favorite conversation topics. Win-win-win.

One point to remember: If you’re trying to save things platonic, make certain not to name-drop an artist or show that might bring up specifically sentipsychological memories. If your unmain song was Taylor Swift’s “New Year’s Day” or your Monday night heritage was The Bachelorette, attempt to stop reminding your ex of these memories or moments. This could include a much more significant submessage to your message and could be painful reminders for you both to kind via.

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If you and also your ex recently broke up but you really want to preserve a platonic friendship, it’s thoughtful to inspect in without asking for anypoint — specifically if the separation was your concept, or you suspect they could still have actually unreciprocated romantic (or angry) feelings. In these scenarios, pressuring them to meet up, informing them you have something you need to say, or centering your own feelings around them isn’t the ideal concept — they could overthink it if you ask for a drink or tell them you really desire to talk. Keep the focus on their borders, and make it clear you’re complying with their lead.

Chances are, they’ll still sfinish some type of response to this one, however messperiods that don’t call for an instant reply permit your ex to set their own terms. By providing them the power to continue or disregard the dialogue, you’re basically saying, “I’m below if you require me.”

However, if you’re looking to revisit a friendship later, it’s best to provide yourself and your ex time to heal. Rachel Sussguy, a New York City-based psychotherapist and author of The Breakup Bible, agrees. She formerly told TIME: “Time heals. A lot of insight can come through time and area apart.”

When navigating any kind of type of partnership through your ex, attempt to remember that sometimes, there’s a reason you dubbed it quits. This doesn’t suppose you can’t be friends, hook up, or give points an additional swarm, but it’s essential to store your mutual history in mind once you’re cracking open that door. And if your ex isn’t ready to rekindle a connection through you — any sort of connection — you absolutely must respect their wishes and remember it’s ideal not to pressure anypoint onto them. Sometimes, once it pertains to world from the past, what’s expected to take place will certainly happen naturally.